Yearly Archives: 2019

Mindset

At the Mad About The Voice Ireland event I won a chocolate biscuit cake in the raffle. It was delicious. I know because I ate most of it. Brad had some but not much.

I’m sure you can imagine that knowing how much I’d eaten this week played heavy (pardon the pun) on my mind as I walked into Weight Watchers this morning.

No class as such as it’s race week here in Galway so it was just a weigh & go. I walked in knowing I’d be up but prepared to take the hit.

As Phil (my WW leader) says “When you’ve had a bad week, that’s when you need a class!” and she’s right. Skipping meetings doesn’t work – trust me, I’ve tried. The ole “I’ll have a good week next week and go back with weight off the following week!” only leads to more weight gain and not solving any problems.

So in I walked, head held high because I was accepting my failure and knowing I could work past it this week.

“You’re half a pound down,” said Phil.

I was speechless (it happens sometimes). I was sure I was going to be up and I’d accepted this. I’d done the same the week before, I’d gone in expecting to be up due the ‘BLTs’ but was still down.

So I read back last weeks entry, thought more about this weeks weigh-in and I have come to the conclusion that my head really is in the right space. I’ve been saying it but I was sure I believed it. I’m consciously counting my points even if I’m not tracking them on paper or in the app. I’m losing weight each week. I’m accepting the risk of being up but not looking at it as failing but more a lesson. Why do I think I’m going to be up? What have I done well? What do I need to change?

So another good week. That’s 9lb lost over four weeks. I’ll take that. Ever closer to the £100 from Juzz.

Made About The Voice Ireland

Sound checks and rehearsals

On Sunday I had the honour of being MC for a Mad About the Voice Ireland event at the G Hotel in Galway. The event was a student showcase of singers of all ages and the talent was utterly amazing!

As their page says the were founded in 2014 by Dr. Caren Hession and Joshua Alamu and offer vocal mentorship and tuition to aspiring singers of all levels and abilities. Based on current research in the field of Voice Science and Pedagogy, MATVI adopts a unique teaching philosophy, which is integral to its practice.

Our Summer Student Showcase will be taking place on Sunday the 21st of July at 6pm in the elegent G Suite of The G Hotel – a luxurious 5 star hotel located at the entrance of Galway City. Here, our singers will be backed by a FULL LIVE HOUSE BAND, delivering a spectacluar show to inspire and enlighten you!! This professional event provides an important platform for their artistic growth and a memorable evening for family and friends to witness a milestone in their journey!

Taken from the event page on Facebook

I was thrilled to be asked as the Rise Choir were performing and having MC’d one of their events a few months ago I was pleased I’d get to see them again. A few years back one their members asked me to join as they were short of men but not only did I not have the time, I also don’t have the voice. After hearing the singers on Sunday I certainly know where to go if I want to change one of things! – And I’m very tempted to do it!

Audience on their feet bopping away!

Sunday saw twenty-six singers perform a range of different songs from power ballads to the rock classics. Considering they’re all students the performances from the singers were incredible. And they were performances, each one as entertaining as the other.

Head over to their Facebook page to see some of the highlights of the night.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed I get asked to MC again but even if I don’t I’ll be heading along to the event to hear them perform and hopefully winning another cake in the raffle like I did this time!

Dangerous BLTs!

Yesterday at home I was having a mini meltdown because I was worried about my weigh in.

I’d had a week of BLTs while I was cooking. BLTs aren’t bacon, lettuce and tomatoes which is just as well given that I’m allergic to tomatoes. No, BLTs for me are “bites, licks and tastes.”

How many times, while you’re preparing food, do you take a bite of something to see if it’s ready? Or maybe you have a biscuit while you’re making a cup of tea and then have a couple of biscuits with the tea?

How often, while baking, do you lick the spoon before throwing it in the dishwasher or sink? Because I know you don’t put it back in the bowl!

Tasting food is often a necessity when preparing a meal for other people because you want to make sure it’s right. What happens when you prepare food for others every single day?

You don’t notice these BLTs yet they could be doing as much damage as your regular meals.

That was my week! I had bites, licks and tastes of so much food during the week that come Monday night I was worried about going for my weigh-in. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was clerking (taking the money) for my Wellness Coach, Phil, at my local Weight Watchers session, I can honestly say I wouldn’t have gone. I’d have made some rubbish excuse about why I shouldn’t go and I’d have promised myself that I’d go back next week with weight down.

Don’t ever do this! Whether you’re at Weigh Watchers or following any other diet plan you need to weigh in once a week and take the hit if you’re up. Accept why and deal with it. Ignoring it will just make it worse.

So I went for my weigh-in, all prepared to be up, and thanks to tracking everything other than the BLTs I was down 1.5lbs. Even though I hadn’t tracked the BLTs I was very conscious of them.

Down 1.5lb and I had ice cream and cake! I’m not missing out and I’m loving it!

Closing Rather Weighty This

So, I’ve decided to shut down one of my other sites. The site Rather Weighty This was great when I started it and I used it when I need to but it was set up for the wrong reasons.

I wanted to separate my weight loss journey from my every day blogging/writing. I was wrong to do that. My weight loss for which I took help from geekshealth.com, is part of me, it’s who I am and who I want to be but I treated it like it was something different. Almost like it was someone else. And why did I do that? Well, the answer is sad yet easy.

By putting those posts somewhere I can deny the truth and doing that is dangerous. I’m fat. I’m working on it. I’ve done some hard thinking over the last twelve months and no, this isn’ t me starting again, this is me accepting that my fight to be smaller isn’t going to be the instant success I want it to be. Strangely enough making the decision to shut the site down has been strangely relaxing.

I have body image issues, as an early post suggests, and getting over them is a massive struggle. Putting that struggle on to someone else, another persona, a different online identity is just pushing it away and not dealing with it.

Now I am dealing with it.

Now things feel different. I’ve had plenty of “I’m starting again” moments but none of them have felt like this.

If anything can prove to me that I’m on the right track it’s what happened last weekend.

Myself and Brad went to the UK for family events (birthday, another birthday and yet another birthday). This would involve two meals out and family party with a buffet. I was determined to go to them, enjoy them and still be down at my next Weight Watchers meeting.

So I put my mind to it, I planned, I tracked and I was careful. I was successful! I went to my class and was down. I have never been away for a weekend and come back with weight off. How did I do it? Planning and tracking.

All this tells me I’m in a new headspace.

My goal now is to be three stone down by the end of the year. I think this is doable and I’m supremely confident I’ll do it.

So, now I’m embracing me as I am and starting to like what I am it’s time to get rid of Rather Weighty This.

All the posts from there have been imported to here and tagged with the Rather Weighty This category tag and the titles change to show they’re imports. In the menu at the top of the page I’ve added a button that will only show those entries. Everything about my weight loss will now be on here.

Weigh in is on Tuesday and I’ve a worry I might be up this week but if so it’ll only be by a 1lb and I can get rid of that by the next meeting.

#ThinkSkinny 🙂

Pics

So, as you can see I like to write something at least once a month. Sometimes I have nothing I particularly want to say I just like to try and be consistent.

This is one of those months where I have nothing much to say so instead I’m going to share with you some of my favourite pictures that have appeared on this site since it started. Some mine, some not.

Enjoy.

Diary

Can’t do it. Can’t do without my handwritten diary.

I tried but I just can’t.

I tried to do everything in iCal but I need my handwritten diary too.

I’m not sorry!

Stupidly though, I now update both!

Opinions

I’m one of those people who love hearing other peoples opinions. I don’t always agree with them but I love hearing them. And yes, sometimes when I hear them I start judging the person. Anyone who claims “I don’t judge others” is lying. It’s human nature. How you vocalise your judginess is the key.

Everyone is entitled their opinion. It may be shit, it may be horrific but you’re entitled to it. It may make you sound like an arrogant asshole but you’re still entitle to it. And I’m entitled to disagree.

I have this friend who loves a particular restaurant in town. He likes everything about it and has become friends with the owner. Personally, I love the food but hate the decor. I don’t consider myself a snob, although others might, but thanks to my upbringing I have a certain set of expectations when I’m paying high prices for food. The decor is included in this. You can blame my parents for these expectations.

I used to get paid to write movie reviews and was insanely honest in my criticism or praise for movies. I would get message saying “You were wrong about [insert movie title]” and I was glad to get them. If they were challenging me then they’d read my review, seen the film and come to their own conclusion. Good for them. I hate it when people consider a film to be good because a certain actor is in it. See the goddamn movie then make your mind up!

And while we’re talking about actors. Another thing I hate is when people praise dead actors. An actor dies and suddenly they become to the greatest actor ever. Heath Ledger for example. Great in Brokeback, okay in Four Feathers and Monster’s Ball. He was not that great as the Joker, awful in Ten Things and The Brothers Grimm was an abomination! Yet as soon as he died he was, until the next death, the greatest actor ever known to man! Same can be said for Philip Seymour-Hoffman. Great in some stuff, shit in others, not the powerhouse of the industry he was made out to be after he was dead!

Anyway, I’ve digressed.

Opinions. The point I’m trying to make is this. Have an opinion. But have your own. Yes, it can be the same as someone else’s but don’t copy them just for the sake of having something to say. I detest Trump. He’s a fucking simpleton and I’m sure I’m not alone in this opinion, but I came it to myself.

Don’t let anyone take away your opinions but give them time to try and change it if you think it’s worth it. Or if you think they’re worthy of you time. But above all else, have your opinion and be proud of it.

Twelve Reasons Why I Love Her

A few years ago, more than I can be bothered to count, I decided I’d had quite an interesting life and would write my autobiography. I wrote quite a few chapters and kept going back and editing them and padding them out a bit. I took out some stories, added a few others and came up with a kick-ass title! It was so awesome I can’t even remember what it was! I decided I wanted a gimmick. I wanted something that made it different. After much doodling I decided each chapter would be a letter to someone I knew. Friend or enemy. Dawn French went and stole that idea but thankfully I’d given up on it well before then.

My next idea was to take a song title and relate it to the chapter. I’ve often found it easier to describe how I feel by picking a song so this seemed quite apt. The problem arose when I ended up with about nine different songs per chapter. Deciding one night to give up on the whole thing, all because I couldn’t find a title, such a drama queen, I threw down the keyboard, stropped into the lounge and hit play on the five-disc multi-changer compact disc player I had. It was the size of a Mini Cooper, cost a small fortune and only actually changed CD’s when it felt like, not when you wanted it to. It was all the rage in the 90’s. Or so I like to tell myself! Within a few seconds (probably more like five minutes) it started playing the first track it found. Twelve Reasons Why I Love Her by My Life Story. I loved it. And I don’t know why! That’s when I decided that ‘My Life Story’ would be the name of my autobiography. It took about sixteen seconds of thinking it was the awesomest of awesome titles before I realised it was actually quite shit. A lot shit rather. So then I thought ‘Okay, I’ll call it Twelve Reasons Why I Love Her!’ Brilliant! If I remember rightly I said brilliant out loud as if congratulating myself on yet another shit idea! I couldn’t work out who the ‘her’ was in my title so decided to drop it and just call it ‘Twelve Reasons Why’ and be done it with. It also gave me the gimmick I was after. Each chapter will be a reason why my life is the way it is. For example “Chapter One: Why I live in Ireland” – this doesn’t mean the chapter will be about the move but it will about where I’ve lived and mention some of the things I’ve done there and the people I’ve met, all leading up to me living in Ireland! Get it? No? Oh well, I’ll live.

This of course means that there will only ever be twelve chapters so I might add a few appendices or whatever I decide to call them.

I’m still writing and editing it. Things have changed a lot since I first started it but the idea remains the same.

Here’s a youtube of the song. The video is as camp as Christmas and even though the lead singers voice is, lets say unique, I still love the song.

Thoughts and questions for the next Star Wars

Millennium Falcon
How this ship is still flying is beyond me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Falcon and in a few years I plan to own one and do the Kessel run in 11 parsecs, but right now I’m amazed this particular YT-1300F Corellian Light Freighter is still flying. It seems in nearly every film there is a problem with it in one way or another and the current owner is always looking for parts. Rey, in the Force Awakens refers to it as a piece of junk and to some extent, although I hate her for it, she’s right. We first see it in Revenge of the Sith, so this is before Luke and Leia are born. According to Star Wars lore Luke was nineteen years old when he first boarded the Falcon in A New Hope and was twenty-five in Jedi. Given that we see the Falcon in SW: RotS and it’s not new then and that SW: TLJ is set 30 years after Jedi that means the Falcon is, at the very least, over 55 years old. No wonder it’s falling apart! I love this ship but being realistic, to end everything to do with the current franchise (remember, everything is going – Luke and Han have gone, Leia will be gone by SW: IX) we will more than likely see it’s demise in SW: XI. I’ll be sad. I’ll probably cry again, as I did when we “lost” Luke, but so be it. Sadly I predict we’ll lose Lando and Chewy at the same time. One thing is certain, the Falcon is still the fastest ship in the fleet. Why? Because it’s the only bloody ship left in the fleet!

Talking of Lando…
Nothing has been mentioned about him and remember once the rebels got to that mighty fortress (yeah right!) they sent out a signal looking for back up and no one answered. It’ll be revealed that no one answered because they thought it was a trap – like it always is – but finally someone will pass the message to Lando who’ll say something crass along the lines of “It’s Leia’s secret super special code! We must go to her!” He’ll be too late, obviously, and there will be a scene where he’s mourning the loss of all three of my childhood heroes.

Talking of the loss of childhood heroes…
Leia won’t be in Star Wars IX. Rumours are that Star Wars IX will be set anything from ten to fifteen years on from TLJ. During this time Leia could have easily popped her clogs for any number of reasons that can be written in using any story arc. Old age, First Order sniper, getting pissed and falling into the Sarlec pit, anything. The best way to see her off is respectfully and quietly, maybe in the opening scrawl? One thing we can be sure of, because Disney have promised, is that she will in no way be in Star Wars IX. And studios never break their promises do they?

Talking of who else won’t be in SW: IX…
The Death of Snoke. Remember Luke giving Leia the dice from the Falcon? Remember him touching her? Like physically and all that? He even held her head and kissed her! Then remember he revealed during the fight with Kylo that he wasn’t actually there and was using the force to project himself there? Remember Rey and Kylo touching hands? She actually tells Luke about sensing the future when she touched fingers with Kylo! So was Snoke really sitting on his throne when Kylo killed him? He sat there spouting about how he can’t be double crossed yet blatantly was. Or was he? I don’t think he was there. I think he knew what Kylo Ren would do all along so he was force projecting himself in to that chair. “So why was his body still there when General Hux was strutting his stuff demanding to know what happened?” I hear you shout. So he could hear what Kylo Ren said. And Kylo gave Snoke the perfect opportunity to push him deeper into the dark side when Kylo asked Rey to join him and rule the galaxy together. Personally I think we’ll see his return in Star Wars IX.

Talking of Rey…
Her parents. So are they really paupers buried in the desert? Personally I don’t think so. I think Kylo Ren was just lying to piss her off. I’m not convinced that Luke is her father, which was a belief I had from the Force Awakens, but is her parentage important? I don’t think it is. It would be nice to think they are a key part of the story to hopefully make Rey seem like a more powerful Jedi than she already is but to be honest I’m past caring about this fact. One thing to note was a comment made by Shmi Skywalker about Anakin: “There was no father. I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him. I can’t explain what happened.” If this can be the case for Anakin “Jesus” Skywalker than it can also be the case for Rey. Maybe mother is a pauper buried out in the Jakku desert but daddy is a no show. Or daddy is someone akin to Galen Erso in Rogue One. He works for the First Order but not because he wants to but has to. Or may he’s a waiter in whoever inherited the Hutt’s cantina when Jabba choked in Jedi.

Talking of inheriting…
Admiral Poe? With Holdo shooting herself into a Star Destroyer and Leia obviously not coming back there’s room up top for a new leader. Rey won’t want it because she’ll be too busy becoming a Jedi, rebuilding the Jedi Order (she does have the books after all) and trying to keep the Falcon in the air, so it’s left to Poe to stand up and do something. Does this mean his X-Wing pilot days are over? Does it bollocks! It didn’t stop President Whitmore in Independence Day and it won’t stop Poe! I do think we’re going to see massive character development from him in SW: IX though. We know very little of Poe and other than a bromance with Finn and a technomance with BB-8 he’s had no specific love interest. With Finn swiping right on the intergalactic Tinders of Rose and Rey he can, because we say so, only choose one, so will Poe get the other? No, I don’t think so. Poe will either find his own beau. Maz Kanata maybe, or Lieutenant Connix? Or maybe he’ll be the gay character hinted at from time to time. I’m not including C3PO in that. Either way I think Poe will become a force (did you see what I did there) to be reckoned with and turn into a major player in the franchise.

Talking of turning…
Turning Finn. I’m not gonna lie, I can’t abide the character of Finn. I find him useless. I like the idea of Stormtrooper rebelling I just wish they’ve given him more to do and made him more of a key character. Everything he’s done, other than rescue Rose (lets not talk about that!) could have been done without him there. Poe is a genius (yet to be revealed – if ever) and could have got away from the First Order the first time without Finn. Maybe then he wouldn’t have crashed and would have made it to Jakku without a problem. The crap about shutting down the tracker could have been done without him. And now he’s in what appears to be a love triangle with Rose and Rey. Give him something interesting! Make him great! It’d be nice if they tapped into his mind and found a way to turn other Stormtroopers? Maybe in an “Execute order 66” way? Given that he knew what he was doing on Jakku was wrong in SW: TFA could it be possible that Finn has tapped into the much discussed force?

Talking of the force…
Prophecy laid out? So way back when, in times when Luke and Leia were still just swilling around in the genitals of Anakin and Padme, Qui-Gon Jinn has a meeting with the Jedi Council. He tells them he thinks Anakin is the Neo of the Star Wars universe. Mace Windu actually says “You refer to the prophecy of The One who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it’s this boy?” So Anakin is trained and still there’s no balance because he turns in Darth Nutjob. Before that Padme give birth the twins Luke and Leia and the world suddenly thinks Luke is the Neo yet still the dark side is really fucking tough and there’s still no balance. Now we have Rey so is she the Neo that’ll bring balance? Or maybe it’s the little broom boy on Canto Bight? No, it won’t be him, we’ll not see him again. But, for there to be a balance there has to be a 50/50 split so we need to Sith shit to be bouncing around the galaxy to keep the actual balance there. But do we? The Jedi know enough about the force and are respectful enough of it to accept that for their to be balance there must be light and dark. Neither needs to have control just so long as equity. In SW: TLJ when Luke is teaching Rey about the force he asks her what’s she see’s and she describes it. She talks about life and death, warmth and cold, peace and anger. Luke asks what’s in between and she states “a force.” There’s your bloomin’ balance! There’s your ending!

Talking of ending...
Maybe it’ll end with Rey and Ren sitting down for a nice cuppa while drawing out lines on a map and decide who rules what. Or maybe they’ll get married? Which would be weird if Luke does turn out to be her daddy but this is a galaxy far far away and who knows what laws they have regarding cousins and wedlock. Luke said, when he was chatting with Rey over dinner and bottle of blue Beaujolais, that Ren took other jedi wannabes from the temple after he’d destroyed. Well where are they? Is this setting up for a spin off? I feel like the Littlest Hobo theme is gonna be playing as we see a youngling carrying a knapsack on a lightsaber over his shoulder.

No one but the writers can know where this is going, we can but speculate using the information we have at hand. One thing is for sure though, I’ll moan about the bad bits, rave over the good bits but Star Wars will still remain my number one favourite movie franchise of all time. Closely followed by Back to the Future, Alien (we don’t talk about Alien Vs Predator or the Promtheshit) and Indian Jones.

Until next time…

RWT Import – Body Image Issues

Happily I handed over the forms with my bank details on it to the girl behind the reception desk. I had the tour and I was impressed so arranging a monthly direct debit was perfectly fine. The next stage was booking my fitness assessment.

Excited and motivated I booked my appointment for the very next day and it happened to be with the manager, James. I was weighed, measured and evaluated. I was still excited and motivated.

James took me out of his office and into the main gym area and explained each machine and what he wanted me to do.

First was a warm up on the bike. Five minutes cycling staying above 80rpm with the resistance set at 9 or 10. He left me and came back just as the five minutes was ending. He congratulated me and we moved on.

Ten minutes on the treadmill, walking at around 5km/h with the incline set at 1. “Watch the time and every minute increase the incline by point five. If you’re struggling lower the speed by half a kilometre, don’t lower the incline. I’ll be back in ten minutes,” and off he went.

Sure enough ten minutes later he came back to find me sweating, the machine running at 3km/h and the incline at 5.5. I felt like I was dying but my motivation and excitement was still high.

After a two minute break we headed over to the weights area. He went through four different routines all using the dumbbells and bench and then he gave me a card and circled the four exercises he just shown me and wanted me to do on my own. “Cool down with another five minutes on the bike then finish. Do this for six weeks then book another appointment and we’ll see how you’re getting on.”

I did exactly as he said in an empty gym – the benefits of joining mid-week and mid-year – and then finished on the bike, showered and went home.

The journey home was amazing. Thirty minutes of driving home thinking about how I was making positive changes and planning when I’d next go to the gym. I had a fitness plan, I was eating healthy, I was on a roll!

It was two days later.

The place was busy but not overly so, so getting on the machines wasn’t a problem.

Bike done, treadmill done, time for the weights. Two guys already there. Two fit ripped guys. Two guys who looked like they spent every minute of every hour of every day at the gym.

I did two of the four exercises then went back to the bike to cool down. What motivation I had was going because I was embarrassed by being fat in the gym. Embarrassed by my body.

I spent forty minutes in the shower, wasting time as though I’d done a full work out.

During the thirty minutes drive home I beat myself up for not doing the agreed workout. Then I started to plan my excuses because telling James I was embarrassed wasn’t an option.

The next time at the gym didn’t go any better. In fact it went worse. The place was rammed. Five minutes done on the bike. Ten minutes done on the treadmill. Ten minutes in the shower. Forty minutes locked in a changing room reading crap on my phone. Thirty minutes sat in lay by crying about what a complete fucking loser I was.

My next gym session was even worse. Five minutes on the bike, five minutes in the shower, five minutes in the cubicle, then rushing out the door with my phone pressed to my ear pretending I was on an important work call and had to leave as soon as possible.

I never went back to the gym and it was four month before I cancelled the membership because in my head I’d get over this and go back.

This is just one example of how my body issues affect me.

There are many other ways.

Many many other ways.

And each of them is more screwed up than the one before.

They involve jealousy, paranoia, depression, loneliness and a myriad of other feelings and emotions and not one of them is logical or reasoned or rational. Yet somehow, each and everyone of them, at some point, appears valid in justifying my body image issues.

I’m fat.

I hate being fat.

I’m doing something about it.

I’m always doing something about it

But it’s a struggle.

And it probably always will be.