November 4th 2014 saw me give my first ever poem at a Toastmasters meeting. It was at Corrib Toastmasters and I was desperate to impress so I wrote one. A few years later this poem became quite special to me as it went on to inspire a speech that did quite well.
Don’t expect something brilliant written, I’m not a poet. Also, this is better heard than it is read due to some of emphasis I put on certain words. Anyway, here goes.
There are many firsts to be had in your life.
First house, first car, first husband, or wife.
Your very first concert or first time out alone,
The first time you successfully found your way home.
Regardless of size your very first pet.
And your very first love whom you’ll never forget
You see them a far and even though you’re a teen,
You know they’re oh my god the most amazingly awesomest person you ever have seen!
You get some paper and your first fountain pen,
You write your first note that begins “Dear Ben…”
But wait, what do I write, what do I say?
Does Ben even know that I’m gay?
And there’s another first for this fourth of November.
Although I don’t hide it I can’t really remember
Ever announcing I’m gay to the groups that I see,
As it’s nothing major, it’s just me.
To groups I don’t remember a time I “came out”
It was just something everyone already knew about.
I didn’t mince or squeak or claim I was spectacular,
Mother just said “That’s him, he’s a bit peculiar.”
But what about Ben? What if he’s straight?
The infatuation is there it’s already too late!
Oh who am I kidding, you know what the girls say!
All the good ones are married or gay!
But back to my Ben and the unwritten letter,
“Dear Ben,” a good start, but it had to get better.
I sat and I thought and I paced round the room,
This missive had to be good to make him my groom!
You see this wasn’t just lust or first school boy crush,
This was first love, Ben was dreamy and lush!
I decided a letter wasn’t the best,
I’d talk to him first and get it all off my chest.
I stood by his classroom door and waited,
Suddenly there he was, my breath was bated.
He brushed past me and his bag touched my hand!
In my head I’d planned the invites and was booking the band.
Ours would be a summer wedding and we’d both be in blue
We’d write our own vows first leading up to “I do!”
We’d honeymoon at Disneyland because he’d never been,
It’d be the most fabulous wedding you’d ever seen.
Girls would be crying because I’d stolen their guy
But my friends would be happy and saying OH MY GOD YOU LOOKED AMAZING I COULD JUST DIE!
But of course, I need to speak to him first,
My mouth was dry with an unquenchable thirst!
“Ben!” I shouted, and he gave me a glance,
“Do you have the French homework by any chance?!”
Was all I could muster without being sick.
He must have thought I was really quite thick.
He handed me a book and I took it with a smile,
I HAD SOME PROPERTY OF HIS FOR A WHILE!
I could leave him my note, a short hey and hello,
He’d find it and ask me to marry him I know!
Instead I just write out the French word for word,
And decide that my plan was utterly absurd!
I’m chasing him and of that there’s no need,
He’s the man of my dreams so I’ll let him lead.
As the years went by my feelings for him changed,
No more lust or love, a relationship rearranged.
We’re still friends now and he still has my heart,
And I think of him dearly even when we’re apart.
He knows how I felt back then back in school,
And he’s never once made me feel like a fool.
He will always be my first childhood crush,
Who I watched and adored and loved so much.
He’s one of my firsts I remember so gladly,
And how so many girls loved him so madly.
And how I did too but never let on,
That’s history now, those days have all gone.
So that was a first for me in years gone by,
One of many like dancing or learning to fly,
Or getting drunk at a party with your very best friend,
Or ending up bruised because his honour you defend.
So embrace all your firsts and enjoy them with glee
Your first hole in one straight off the tee
Your first morning breath as you get out of bed,
And thanking the Lord you didn’t wake up dead.
Firsts will come often, time and again,
You’ll not always know where or when.
I’ve had a few today and this poem is one,
But I’m going to sit down now as this poem is done