Category Archives: Film

This was the almost apocryphal post!

A little while ago Davy Quinlivan did a Facebook post about films he hadn’t seen. Reading the list if I’d been wearing pearls I’d have clutched them and would probably still be holding them now!

So this is the list and next to each one Davy I’ve given you a reason as to why I think you should watch them.

ET Melissa Mathison died too soon. She was a powerful writer and although this film doesn’t show her best (see Kundun for that) it’s still worth a watch in honour of her. Also, Drew Barrymore is amazing in it (“Is he a pig? He sure eats like one!”) and the music is fantastic.

Home Alone This is one of those where you rooting for the bad guys. Why they didn’t just pull out a pistol and pop a cap in his forehead is beyond me! Still it’s worthy of a viewing so you can keep cheering for Harry & Marv. Just don’t expect anything they call acting other than from John Heard and Catherine O’Hara. Also, it’s a John Hughes and we’ll talk more about that later on in the list young man!

Home Alone 2 Brenda Fricker. That is all.

*The Wizard of Oz Oh come on Davy! Watching Franz Morgan play so many differents role but staying exactly the same (basically Sandra Bullocks entire career) is worth the watch let alone seeing Judy! And Wicked makes more sense if you seen this. And Margaret Hamilton! At least try the 1925 version which is VERY different but also great.

Mrs Doubtfire This is worth watching for two reasons. The number of continuity errors and realising that Sally Field never ever does any kind of background checks on this mad woman who claims to be English but has a random Scottish accent that changes at random times.

Babe There is only reason to watch this movie. Magda Szubanski. She was in her early thirties when she played Esme Whatshername and does the job so incredibly well. It’s a far cry from Sharon Karen Strzelecki.

Titanic If you won’t watch the entire film then just watch one scene. The scene where the bow rises, falls, rises again and sinks. All that was filmed on a sound stage with the bow of the ship recreated and stunt performers flying everywhere. As much as I’m not a James Cameron fan (except for Terminator (1 only) and The Abyss) this scene is cinematic gold in directing, staging and performing. Fun fact: this film is two hours and forty minutes long – the exact length of time it took for the Titanic to sink.

Neverending Story You should watch this because it’s pretty and emotional. That really is the only reason to watch it but, when I say it’s pretty and emotional, it’s very pretty and very emotional and deserving of a viewing because of that.

*Jurassic Park Laura Dern. Nothing more, nothing less.

Annie Albert Finney and Carol Burnett make this movie an utter pleasure to watch. The girl the plays Annie, well, not so much. Thankfully she hasn’t been in much else.

*The Sound of Music I don’t know where to begin with this one! It is one of my all time favourite films and there are so many good reasons to watch it. Even if you take out all the music the story is still so emotional and so beautiful. The very fact it’s based on a true story also makes it powerful. I adore Christopher Plummer and he’s so good in this. The scenery is stunning and you can go to Vienna and see it! The music is perfect and I don’t just mean the singing, the incidental music as well. The drama, the romance, the comedy all worthy of watching. I can’t believe I’m going to say this given how many amazing films are on this list but if you only watch one movie from this lot make it this one.

Charlie & the Chocolate Factory I’m not sure if you mean the 1971 version which is “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” or the 2005 “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” If we assume it’s the latter then I agree with you. Avoid it like the COVID, it has no redeeming features. Tim Burton is not the god people seem to think he is. Now, it we’re talking about the 1971 version there is only one reason to watch it. The problem is I can’t tell what that is as you’ll just watch the one scene. You need to watch the entire thing as a thank you to the actors and producers for the one scene worth watching.

Star Wars (All of them!) Space sci-fi is such a subjective genre. You either like it or you don’t. Nothin I can say can convince you otherwise. Personally, regardless of your feelings for SciFi, I think you should watch these. The story is great. Should you decide to watch them then there’s two things you need to know. 1. You’re not alone, no one likes JarJar and we’re sorry. 2. This is the order to watch them in: *New Hope, Rogue One, Empire Strikes Back, Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, Solo, Return of the Jedi, The Mandalorian (the entire series), Force Awakens, Last Jedi, Rise of Skywalker.

Star Trek (All of them) See above but without the order.

*Back to the Future (All of them!) I have so many happy memories associated this film. My cousin took me to see the film. It was the first time I’d been to a cinema without an adult. I felt like such a grown up. I also had the hots for Michael J. Fox. The film is beautiful and all three deserve a watch just so you can complete the story. I apologise now for Mary Steenburgen but you can’t have everything. Also, the second one is a bit “Oh my god, please make it stop!” but stick with it. Please.

Indiana Jones (All of them) Raiders of the Lost Ark is a cinematic storytelling masterpiece. But, like with SciFi, it’s not for everyone. The first one is worth watching for it’s cinematography alone, let alone the action. Ignore some of the effects though – you have to remember this was made in 1981 and CGI wasn’t what is is not. Skip Temple of Doom, it’s a bit meh, but do take in the Last Crusade, it’s fun. The franchise ends there Davy. It ends there! There are no Indiana Jones films after the Last Crusade. No matter what you read in silly magazines or online there is nothing – NOTHING – after the Last Crusade!

Dirty Dancing To be honest I’m not a massive fan of this film but there are two reason to watch it. Firstly seeing Lisa rehearse for the talent show, secondly seeing Patrick Swayze dance up the aisle looking like Roland Rat.

*Flashdance I literally sighed when I saw this on your list. This film wipes out Step Up and all those films like that. It is so so well made. Yes the story is pish. Like utter pish but the music, the dancing, the everything! (but not the story). Sit down one night, maybe with an amontillado and a small box of Milk Tray and give it a watch. And let me know when you do and I’ll watch along. This film is so good!

Ghost Okay, I’ve seen this but I’m gonna tell you not to bother. I genuinely like Demi Moore but in this she’s just a bit meh. Whoopi Goldberg is funny but if you see Whoopi in anything other than Corinna Corinna or the Color Purple then you’ve already seen her performance. Patrick Swayze just doesn’t do it for me and never has. So, you get a pass for this one.

Pretty in Pink My cousin will tell you “this is the film that defined my childhood!” but my cousin is stupid. Like proper stupid, no common sense what-so-ever and her parents are the same. Her mother is the most annoying woman you could ever meet. Have you see (and I’m frightened to ask) the Birdcage with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane? You know the end where Gene Hackman leaves the club – he’s the spitting image of my Aunt, my cousins mother. Seriously, it’s like putting make-up on a bulldog. She has all the allure and personality of wax-clogged hearing aid from 1961. Anyway, I’ve digressed a little. Davy, you need to see this movie. Just for the feel good factor. John Hughes tried, and with some success, to define the 80’s and even though most of his films have the same feel good undertone and the same tired adolescent cast, they’re actually well worth a watch. It’s not one of those you’d go out your way to see but if RTE have it on one Wednesday night when you’re not going out and there’s nothing else on, it’s worth sitting down and seeing. I’ve a lot of love and respect for John Hughes (yes, even with what I know I’m going to write about the next film). He died way too soon and had a lot more to give the industry. His legacy has left with many characters we love and some we love to hate and as much I don’t think this film would be in my own personal top ten of John Hughes films, it is till worthy of watch because it’s his.

Sixteen Candles See above – and yes my cousin will say the same about this film. There is one big issue with this film. It essentially, in one scene, condones date rape. This is a teen comedy written at a time when – yes it was wrong – but society dealt with stuff differently because to be a voice of a concern you had to have a big profile. Now you just need a social media account. You might see a similar scene in a film these days but either the hero would call them out on it or it wouldn’t be a comedy. I’m not going to say don’t watch this because of that because I genuinely do think it’s worth watching, you just have to do it and accept it’s from a different time. Thankfully, in tv and movies, we rarely see the kind of bullshit people would broadcast years ago. “Rising Damp” and “It Ain’t Half Hot Mom” were so insanely racist but people were stupid back then and accepted it and those that didn’t couldn’t find a platform big enough to be heard. Anyway, that’s a TEDtalk for later. Watch this for the soundtrack if nothing else!

So here endeth the lesson. Davy, I think you need to make an effort to watch some of these and those are the ones with * next to them. Let me know when you do, I’d genuinely be interested in your opinion.

My Top Ten Films of the Decade – For your to disagree with! (No spoilers!)

FYI: There will be no spoilers here! And its not so much a review of each movie, just the list and a short comment.

This was a difficult list to come up with as there were so many good films during the last decade. To be fair there was also a fair amount of shit – Aladdin, Robocop, Movie 43, R.I.P.D. – I could go on!

I’ve purposely avoided all Marvel, DC, Star Trek and Star Wars films as they’d pretty much film the top ten. Not because they’re necessarily great films (apart from all Star Wars, Black Panther, Thor: Ragnarok and Wonder Woman) but because I enjoyed most of them a lot and my bias would want them in the list. Instead I’ve gone for films I enjoyed and/or I considered well made and well acted.

There’s many films I could have included but wanted, with a struggle, to limit it to ten. Those who didn’t make the cut get an honourable mention at the end.

So here, from ten to one, is my top ten movie of the decade. Bring on your disagreements or love.

If something is chasing you… split up.

10. The Cabin in the Woods

Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin, where they get more than they bargained for, discovering the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

Director: Drew Goddard
Producers: Joss Whedon
Writers: Joss Whedon, Drew Goddard
Starring: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams
Year: 2011
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1259521/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
My Rating: 8
IMDb Rating: 7

This is the marmite of films. I’ve seen so many people say they hated it and an equal amount say they love it. Personally I thought it was fun. There were some bits that annoyed me and it was insanely predictable with MASSIVE gives away as to what was coming – the eagle for s start! It would have been nice to see it turned into a series.

For the locals on Erin Island, it’s the final round

9. Grabbers

When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by bloodsucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive.

Directed by Jon Wright
Produced by Tracy Brimm, Kate Myers, Martina Niland
Written by Kevin Lehane
Starring: Richard Coyle, Ruth Bradley, Russell Tovey, Lalor Roddy, David Pearse
Year: 2012
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1525366/?ref_=tt_urv
My Rating: 8
IMDb Rating: 6.3

This film is silly but it’s good silly. It’s old fashioned B-movie silly and it made me instantly love it. Everything about it works – the script, acting, setting. The plot, the romance, the stereotypes – it all works and it makes for an enjoyable modern classic.

When darkness falls, the Guardians will rise.

8. Rise of the Guardians

When the evil spirit Pitch launches an assault on Earth, the Immortal Guardians team up to protect the innocence of children all around the world.

Director: Peter Ramsey
Producers: Christina Steinberg, Nancy Bernstein
Screenplay: David Lindsay-Abaire
Based on: The Guardians of Childhood by William Joyce
Starring: Chris Pine, Alec Baldwin. Hugh Jackman, Isla Fisher, Jude Law
Year: 2012
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1446192/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0
My Rating: 8
IMDb Rating: 7.3

I. LOVED. THIS. FILM. Since watching it I’ve been meaning to read the books but kept forgetting. The film is sweet, funny and made me think of my childhood. Growing up my nan would tell me of these characters and where the lived an d how they all got on and worked together. I don’t remember her mentioned Jack Frost or the Easter Bunny but Sandman, Santa Claus and more were all there in her stories and it filled my dreams. Watching this reminds me of those days.

Who’s in control?

7. Money Monster

Financial TV host Lee Gates and his producer Patty are put in an extreme situation when an irate investor takes them and their crew as hostage.

Director: Jodie Foster
Producers: Lara Alameddine, George Clooney, Daniel Dubiecki, Grant Heslov
Screenplay: Alan Di Fiore, Jim Kouf, Jamie Linden
Story: Alan Di Fiore, Jim Kouf
Starring: George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Jack O’Connell, Dominic West, Caitriona Balfe
Year: 2016
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2241351/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
My Rating: 9
IMDb Rating: 6.5

I thought this was so well done. Jack O’Connell plays a great role and I really ended up feeling for him. Jodie Foster did a great job with the direction. I’m not much of a Julia Roberts fan, she has her moments, but in this she was fantastic, as was George Clooney.

In 2004, a devastating tsunami hit southeast Asia. This is one family’s true story of survival.

6. The Impossible

The story of a tourist family in Thailand caught in the destruction and chaotic aftermath of the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami.

Director: J. A. Bayona
Producers: Álvaro Augustin, Belen Atienza, Enrique López Lavigne
Screenplay: Sergio G. Sánchez
Story: María Belón
Starring: Naomi Watts, Ewan McGregor, Tom Holland
Year: 2012
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1649419/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
My Rating: 9
IMDb Rating: 7.6

So Brad and I sat down and watched this with two friends. As the closing credits came up all four of us sniffed, secretly wiped away tears and in our bestest manly voices said “yeah, so that was really good.” And it was. Scenery was spectacular and Tom Holland gave a great performance.

Don’t Let Go

5. Gravity

Two astronauts work together to survive after an accident leaves them stranded in space.

Director: Alfonso Cuarón
Producer: Alfonso Cuarón, David Heyman
Writers: Alfonso Cuarón, Jonás Cuarón
Starring: Sandra Bullock, George Clooney
Year: 2013
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1454468/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
My Rating: 10
IMDb Rating: 7.7

For different reasons I ended up seeing this about six times at the cinema and it was top of my list when the DVD came out. If only for the first ten minutes! I cannot stick Sandra Bullock. Her range is small and limits her to two characters styles yet more often not the sticks to just the one – even when she should be using the other. In this we’re introduced to a third Sandra and it’s by far the best.

Just because you’re invited, doesn’t mean you’re welcome

4. Get Out

A young African-American visits his white girlfriend’s parents for the weekend, where his simmering uneasiness about their reception of him eventually reaches a boiling point.

Director: Jordan Peele
Producers: Sean McKittrick, Jason Blum, Edward H. Hamm Jr., Jordan Peele
Writer: Jordan Peele
Starring: Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Bradley Whitford, Caleb Landry Jones, Stephen Root
Year: 2017
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5052448/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
My Rating: 9
IMDb Rating: 7.7

I don’t know how I feel about Jordan Peele as a director yet but that’s irrelevant as this film was brilliant. It got a nine because the writing and acting was excellent, the direction not so much. There were a lot of errors in this that bugged me but it still deserved it’s nine regardless.

The Most Dangerous Place On Earth

3. Everest

The story of New Zealand’s Robert “Rob” Edwin Hall, who on May 10, 1996, together with Scott Fischer, teamed up on a joint expedition to ascend Mount Everest.

Director:: Baltasar Kormákur
Producers: Baltasar Kormákur, Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner, Nicky Kentish Barnes, Tyler Thompson, Brian Oliver
Writers: William Nicholson, Simon Beaufoy
Starring: Jason Clarke, Josh Brolin, John Hawkes, Robin Wright, Emily Watson
Year: 2015
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2719848/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2
My Rating: 10
IMDb Rating: 7.1

Over the years Jason Clarke and Josh Brolin have give us some incredible performances and this is up there with the greatest. I remember hearing about this tragedy as it unfolded and had a friend who was planning his Everest climb. He delayed it for a few years after this but finally did it in 2001. When he got home he told about his experience but until watching this movie I never really appreciated what he’d gone through. This film is a must watch in my opinion.

You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s…

2. Gone Girl

With his wife’s disappearance having become the focus of an intense media circus, a man sees the spotlight turned on him when it’s suspected that he may not be innocent.

Director: David Fincher
Producers: Arnon Milchan, Joshua Donen, Reese Witherspoon, Ceán Chaffin
Screenplay: Gillian Flynn
Based on: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Starring: Ben Affleck, Rosamund Pike, Neil Patrick Harris, Tyler Perry, Kim Dickens
Year: 2015
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2267998/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
My Rating: 10
IMDb Rating: 8.1

I read the book of this… actually no I didn’t… I read the first few chapters. Brad had already told me there was a twist and within the first chapters I’d guessed it. Because I knew the twist I wasn’t interested in the book. If I’ve worked it out that quickly I’m not going to enjoy. The film was incredible! Rosamund Pike was insanely brilliant, as is Affleck and Kim Dickens. Actually, Kim Dickens was incredibly. This could very easily have got to the number one spot.

The movie was fake. The mission was real.

1. Argo

Acting under the cover of a Hollywood producer scouting a location for a science fiction film, a CIA agent launches a dangerous operation to rescue six Americans in Tehran during the U.S. hostage crisis in Iran in 1979.

Director: Ben Affleck
Producer: Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Grant Heslov
Screenplay: Chris Terrio
Based on: The Master of Disguise by Antonio J. Mendez and The Great Escape by Joshuah Bearman
Starring: Ben Affleck, Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin, John Goodman
Year: 2015
IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2719848/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2
My Rating: 10
IMDb Rating: 7.1

Okay so ignore all the historical inaccuracies as there are many. The film is insanely biased towards the American’s. As usual they’re casting themselves as the heroes and the rest of the world as the villains.

This was by far, in my opinion, the best film of the last decade. Please remember we’re not including Marvel, DC or Star Wars! Affleck triple jobs as director, producer and actor and does a fantastic job. He gets a lot of attacks for being a bad actor in a lot of stuff but I think much of it is that he takes on bad roles. From an interview I read with him though he doesn’t take on roles to challenge, but the roles he wants to do. I imagine Ryan Reynolds is the same as surely after reading the script for the Green Lantern and R.I.P.D. he’d have laughed and said “no way!”

I’ve digressed. This is a brilliant film. Watch it!

So there you have it. My top ten.

What I could have included but they only just missed out: Behind the Candelabra, Black Swan, The Greatest Showman, Looper, The Kings Speech, The Eagle, I Give It A Year and Buried

What I left out as they’re so far from being good it’s embarrassing for all involved: Robocop, Movie 43, Aladdin, R.I.P.D., Sanctum, Titanic II, The Host, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, Man of Steel, Cowboys & Aliens, The Three Stooges ,22 Jump Street, Project X, Oz the Great & Powerful, The Expendables, The Muppets, Takers, The Hobbit, Midsommar, Godzilla, The Wolfman, Dark Phoenix, Southbound, Pan, A Million Ways to Die in the West, The Hunger Games and Pacific Rim.

Come on then, tell me I’m wrong, this, as with Die Hard not being a Christmas movie, is the hill I will die on!

Bad Parenting – Two Stories

Brad got an unexpected day off today so after sorting a few bits out with the new car we headed off to Galway city. I wanted to get a tee-shirt for Monday night, do some shopping and grab some lunch with my devilishly handsome husbear.

During lunch – a seafood salad for me and fish & chips for him for those of you interested – we decided to go to the cinema. We still hadn’t seen Spider-man: Far From Home so off we went.

It’s be out a while so we expected the cinema to be empty even with it being the school holidays. We were wrong. It was full of kids.

And here’s where the stories begin…

Story One – Donaldina Trump comes to Galway.

The usual row we sit in was taken so we went to the one behind that. Two young lads in front of us, two young girls and their mother behind us. Turned out the lads also belonged to this mother.

It wasn’t long before the young girl behind me was kicking my chair. She didn’t kick it on purpose but was resting her feet on the back of my chair. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem but these chairs have a recline rocker in them so as you sit back the chair reclines back. Her kicking it pushed it forward.

I let the first kick go assuming she knew she’d done it and wouldn’t do it again.

I let the second kick go, assuming it was an accident.

I didn’t let the third kick go. Instead I very calmly, as Brad will attest to, turned around and politely, while smiling, said “would you mind not kicking the back of my chair?” She apologised and we left it at that.

Ten minutes later she did it again and I let it go. Thinking again this could jut be an innocent accident and if I’d turned and said anything she’d be embarrassed.

A few minutes later it happened again. So I turned around and calmly said “As I asked before could you please not kick the back of my chair.”

The mother, who was sat next to her, spouted “They’re little girls! They move!”
“And I’ve asked them not to kick the back of my chair!” was my calm reply.

At this point it didn’t matter what I said she was determined to stand her ground. “Is this the lesson you want to teach you kids?” I asked – calmly!
“Yes!” she replied.
“That’s great parenting.”

She was still blabbering on as the film started and people started shushing her.

I have a small hope that she’ll see my tweets or read this entry (I don’t think she’ll do either) and get outraged because I think she’s the sort. I have an even smaller hope that she’s at home saying “I shouldn’t have spoken to those nice boys like that. I was a fucking bitch!” Again, I don’t think she is.

Bitch.

Story Two – It may as well have been a Nokia 8210.

With the film already on for five minutes people we’re still coming in – something that annoys me greatly. Three people came in and sat next to us. A young girl, a teenager and who I imagine to be the mother of both. The teenage sits next to Brad. We’ll call her Imbcelia.

So Imbcelia, gets her phone out and starts looking at Instagram and other apps on her phone. At some point I’m guessing staff at the Eye Cinema read my twitter feed – I tagged them after all – and a member of staff came in. She saw Imbcelias phone lighting up her monobrow like the cover had been taken off a Nokia 8210 so she told her to put it away.

As soon as the staff left out comes the phone again. So Brad leans over and asks her politely to put it away. She apologised and moved seats to the end of the row. Out comes the phone and off she goes again!

The movie ends and as it’s Marvel movie we stay exactly where we are and judge those leaving without seeing the mid-credit and end credit scenes.

Guess who gets up to leave? Yep, Imbcelia and her family. Young girl first, mom second, bitch last. So does she leave quietly without incident? Does she buggery! She shines her phone torch in Brad’s eyes and makes some childish comment about enjoying the rest of the film.

What was the point in that and why didn’t the mother do anything?

We’re adults, we’re the ones who have to set examples. Kids will see how we behave and learn from it! To the two mothers today, think about what you’re doing! Think about the example you’re setting your children. Today you were not being good parents. Be better!

And to Imbcelia – in my head, you left the cinema, stopped outside and while lighting up a fag as you walked past the pet shop your boyfriend and father rang (same person) causing you to drop your phone, smashing the glass. Fuck you, skank!

P.S. If you’re wondering why in the first story I was kept using the word calm and it’s variations it’s because, as Brad points out, usually I wouldn’t be so relaxed and polite.

Thoughts and questions for the next Star Wars

Millennium Falcon
How this ship is still flying is beyond me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Falcon and in a few years I plan to own one and do the Kessel run in 11 parsecs, but right now I’m amazed this particular YT-1300F Corellian Light Freighter is still flying. It seems in nearly every film there is a problem with it in one way or another and the current owner is always looking for parts. Rey, in the Force Awakens refers to it as a piece of junk and to some extent, although I hate her for it, she’s right. We first see it in Revenge of the Sith, so this is before Luke and Leia are born. According to Star Wars lore Luke was nineteen years old when he first boarded the Falcon in A New Hope and was twenty-five in Jedi. Given that we see the Falcon in SW: RotS and it’s not new then and that SW: TLJ is set 30 years after Jedi that means the Falcon is, at the very least, over 55 years old. No wonder it’s falling apart! I love this ship but being realistic, to end everything to do with the current franchise (remember, everything is going – Luke and Han have gone, Leia will be gone by SW: IX) we will more than likely see it’s demise in SW: XI. I’ll be sad. I’ll probably cry again, as I did when we “lost” Luke, but so be it. Sadly I predict we’ll lose Lando and Chewy at the same time. One thing is certain, the Falcon is still the fastest ship in the fleet. Why? Because it’s the only bloody ship left in the fleet!

Talking of Lando…
Nothing has been mentioned about him and remember once the rebels got to that mighty fortress (yeah right!) they sent out a signal looking for back up and no one answered. It’ll be revealed that no one answered because they thought it was a trap – like it always is – but finally someone will pass the message to Lando who’ll say something crass along the lines of “It’s Leia’s secret super special code! We must go to her!” He’ll be too late, obviously, and there will be a scene where he’s mourning the loss of all three of my childhood heroes.

Talking of the loss of childhood heroes…
Leia won’t be in Star Wars IX. Rumours are that Star Wars IX will be set anything from ten to fifteen years on from TLJ. During this time Leia could have easily popped her clogs for any number of reasons that can be written in using any story arc. Old age, First Order sniper, getting pissed and falling into the Sarlec pit, anything. The best way to see her off is respectfully and quietly, maybe in the opening scrawl? One thing we can be sure of, because Disney have promised, is that she will in no way be in Star Wars IX. And studios never break their promises do they?

Talking of who else won’t be in SW: IX…
The Death of Snoke. Remember Luke giving Leia the dice from the Falcon? Remember him touching her? Like physically and all that? He even held her head and kissed her! Then remember he revealed during the fight with Kylo that he wasn’t actually there and was using the force to project himself there? Remember Rey and Kylo touching hands? She actually tells Luke about sensing the future when she touched fingers with Kylo! So was Snoke really sitting on his throne when Kylo killed him? He sat there spouting about how he can’t be double crossed yet blatantly was. Or was he? I don’t think he was there. I think he knew what Kylo Ren would do all along so he was force projecting himself in to that chair. “So why was his body still there when General Hux was strutting his stuff demanding to know what happened?” I hear you shout. So he could hear what Kylo Ren said. And Kylo gave Snoke the perfect opportunity to push him deeper into the dark side when Kylo asked Rey to join him and rule the galaxy together. Personally I think we’ll see his return in Star Wars IX.

Talking of Rey…
Her parents. So are they really paupers buried in the desert? Personally I don’t think so. I think Kylo Ren was just lying to piss her off. I’m not convinced that Luke is her father, which was a belief I had from the Force Awakens, but is her parentage important? I don’t think it is. It would be nice to think they are a key part of the story to hopefully make Rey seem like a more powerful Jedi than she already is but to be honest I’m past caring about this fact. One thing to note was a comment made by Shmi Skywalker about Anakin: “There was no father. I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him. I can’t explain what happened.” If this can be the case for Anakin “Jesus” Skywalker than it can also be the case for Rey. Maybe mother is a pauper buried out in the Jakku desert but daddy is a no show. Or daddy is someone akin to Galen Erso in Rogue One. He works for the First Order but not because he wants to but has to. Or may he’s a waiter in whoever inherited the Hutt’s cantina when Jabba choked in Jedi.

Talking of inheriting…
Admiral Poe? With Holdo shooting herself into a Star Destroyer and Leia obviously not coming back there’s room up top for a new leader. Rey won’t want it because she’ll be too busy becoming a Jedi, rebuilding the Jedi Order (she does have the books after all) and trying to keep the Falcon in the air, so it’s left to Poe to stand up and do something. Does this mean his X-Wing pilot days are over? Does it bollocks! It didn’t stop President Whitmore in Independence Day and it won’t stop Poe! I do think we’re going to see massive character development from him in SW: IX though. We know very little of Poe and other than a bromance with Finn and a technomance with BB-8 he’s had no specific love interest. With Finn swiping right on the intergalactic Tinders of Rose and Rey he can, because we say so, only choose one, so will Poe get the other? No, I don’t think so. Poe will either find his own beau. Maz Kanata maybe, or Lieutenant Connix? Or maybe he’ll be the gay character hinted at from time to time. I’m not including C3PO in that. Either way I think Poe will become a force (did you see what I did there) to be reckoned with and turn into a major player in the franchise.

Talking of turning…
Turning Finn. I’m not gonna lie, I can’t abide the character of Finn. I find him useless. I like the idea of Stormtrooper rebelling I just wish they’ve given him more to do and made him more of a key character. Everything he’s done, other than rescue Rose (lets not talk about that!) could have been done without him there. Poe is a genius (yet to be revealed – if ever) and could have got away from the First Order the first time without Finn. Maybe then he wouldn’t have crashed and would have made it to Jakku without a problem. The crap about shutting down the tracker could have been done without him. And now he’s in what appears to be a love triangle with Rose and Rey. Give him something interesting! Make him great! It’d be nice if they tapped into his mind and found a way to turn other Stormtroopers? Maybe in an “Execute order 66” way? Given that he knew what he was doing on Jakku was wrong in SW: TFA could it be possible that Finn has tapped into the much discussed force?

Talking of the force…
Prophecy laid out? So way back when, in times when Luke and Leia were still just swilling around in the genitals of Anakin and Padme, Qui-Gon Jinn has a meeting with the Jedi Council. He tells them he thinks Anakin is the Neo of the Star Wars universe. Mace Windu actually says “You refer to the prophecy of The One who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it’s this boy?” So Anakin is trained and still there’s no balance because he turns in Darth Nutjob. Before that Padme give birth the twins Luke and Leia and the world suddenly thinks Luke is the Neo yet still the dark side is really fucking tough and there’s still no balance. Now we have Rey so is she the Neo that’ll bring balance? Or maybe it’s the little broom boy on Canto Bight? No, it won’t be him, we’ll not see him again. But, for there to be a balance there has to be a 50/50 split so we need to Sith shit to be bouncing around the galaxy to keep the actual balance there. But do we? The Jedi know enough about the force and are respectful enough of it to accept that for their to be balance there must be light and dark. Neither needs to have control just so long as equity. In SW: TLJ when Luke is teaching Rey about the force he asks her what’s she see’s and she describes it. She talks about life and death, warmth and cold, peace and anger. Luke asks what’s in between and she states “a force.” There’s your bloomin’ balance! There’s your ending!

Talking of ending...
Maybe it’ll end with Rey and Ren sitting down for a nice cuppa while drawing out lines on a map and decide who rules what. Or maybe they’ll get married? Which would be weird if Luke does turn out to be her daddy but this is a galaxy far far away and who knows what laws they have regarding cousins and wedlock. Luke said, when he was chatting with Rey over dinner and bottle of blue Beaujolais, that Ren took other jedi wannabes from the temple after he’d destroyed. Well where are they? Is this setting up for a spin off? I feel like the Littlest Hobo theme is gonna be playing as we see a youngling carrying a knapsack on a lightsaber over his shoulder.

No one but the writers can know where this is going, we can but speculate using the information we have at hand. One thing is for sure though, I’ll moan about the bad bits, rave over the good bits but Star Wars will still remain my number one favourite movie franchise of all time. Closely followed by Back to the Future, Alien (we don’t talk about Alien Vs Predator or the Promtheshit) and Indian Jones.

Until next time…

First Man – A Review

“The most dangerous mission in history.” Image source: Wikipedia

So Brad and I watched the movie First Man last night. As someone who loves everything to do with space and space travel I was really looking forward to it. I was disappointed. Which to be honest is usually the case with a Ryan Gosling movie.

***WARNING: SPOILER ALERT***

From here on in there may be spoilers!

I’m going to read the book as there is no way the book can be as boring as the film. Damien Chazelle, the director, tried desperately to build the characters but fails miserably and it was often disheartening to watch Claire Foy act her little heart out and do her best with the awful script she has. Josh Singer, who adapted the book to a script, did an amazing job writing “The Post” but his adaption of this book by James R. Hansen is just awful.

Due to my love of space I already knew a fair amount about Neil Armstrong and the grief he’d gone through, not only with the loss of his daughter but with the loss of friends and family during his determination to become an astronaut. How this is portrayed in the film is awful. It got to the point where every time the scene changed and time had jumped forward I wondered which death would be the defining moment of this scene. Only by hearing their names mentioned did I know when some of them would go.

Given that this film was based on a book about Neil Armstrong I’d rather have seen more about him and his entire life than twenty minutes of a seven or eight different events.

Neil Armstrong. 1930 – 2012. One of my heroes.

Why didn’t we see anything about him getting his pilots license? This was an amazing achievement for him – he was sixteen! He soloed his first flight a month later – still sixteen! There was no mention of the fact that his application to become an astronaut was a week late. Gene Kranz barely gets a mention and he was one of Armstrongs biggest fans. There is one scene in the film, when Armstrong completes the first ever docking with another space craft and the shit hits the fan and they start to spin. Armstrong saves the day and there is an investigation. The film hints that they’re possibly going to blame Armstrong, but what it fails to mention is how Kranz defended Armstrong very vocally and publicly. He famously said “He did what we trained him to do but we trained him wrong,” or words to that effect. The scene when Neil gets the call about Apollo 1 – there is so much more to that story! Where was that? Why wasn’t that put in?

There was a tonne of stuff they could have left out of this film. It was great seeing the relationship Janet Armstrong had with Ed White’s wife but this film was about Armstrong so the majority of stuff between the two wives could have gone.

Gosling has the emotional range of a sieve. He made the entire space race boring and that’s quite the achievement. I’m trying to think of a Gosling film I’ve seen that he’s any good in and I’m struggling.

The entire story made Buzz Aldrin to be an unlikable twat and pretty much ignored Michael Collins.

All in all the film was boring with bad camera work, a slow and unnecessary script and poor acting from Gosling but brilliant from Foy, Clarke and Chandler.

The space race was said to be exciting and watched by an estimated 600million people around the world. This film made it feel like an every day boring event.

My Film Top Ten of 2018

My cinema visits for 2018 were very much down on last year. Something I will rectify for 2019. That being said, here is my top ten for 2018. As usual, you can disagree, it’s your right, but this is my list and my opinion. If a film isn’t listed it’s possible I didn’t see it yet. Of course, it could also be that it’s shit and didn’t make the top ten.

Before I start with the top ten here’s a special mention for three films. Pacific Rim: Uprising, Tomb Raider and A Wrinkle in Time. These three don’t make the top ten. In fact these three are bottom of the list, with Ocean’s 8 and Ready Player One not far in front of them. Pacific Rim (the first one) was an awful awful film. It should never have had a sequel made. Tomb Raider didn’t need a remake and if it was going to be done it needed to be done better. Wrinkle in Time was a nice idea but still very meh.

Bandersnatch nearly made the top ten but it just wasn’t everything I’d hoped. Bird Box was nowhere near because it was rubbish – and so was Sandra Bullock. The Meg got higher than Bird Box and that was truly awful. Ready Player One got higher too!

So with the crap out the way here is my top ten movies of 2018.

The park is gone.

10. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

When the island’s dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen and Claire mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event.

Honestly, I’m amazed this made the top ten. Rafe Spall, an actor I would usually rate quite highly was awful. Chris Pratt was Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard was Richie Cunningham. The story was the same old shit in every other Jurassic Park film. The direction wasn’t great. BUT, the one thing that gets this into the top ten was the effects. The volcano exploding was brilliant even if it was erroneous, the dinosaurs were great and the location scenery was fantastic.

My score: 6/10

Never tell him the odds.

9. Solo: A Star Wars Story
During an adventure into the criminal underworld, Han Solo meets his future co-pilot Chewbacca and encounters Lando Calrissian years before joining the Rebellion.

I’m always going to a love a Star Wars film but I’m also always going to be honest.

Alden Ehrenreich and Donald Glover were shit. Ehrenreich is a great actor but was awful as Solo. I’ve yet to see Glover do anything well. The film itself was a nice intro to Han Solo and it’d be nice to see one done about Leia. I imagine her life, growing up a princess, would be far more interesting that Luke who, as much as I love him, was essentially just a farm-boy who spent his life moaning about things he didn’t do but could have done if he’d have got off his ass. Yes yes, he went on to do great things but as a child I’d have put him up for adoption! Again. I did enjoy this film though, well, as much I as I could.

My score: 6/10

It’s been too long, dahlings

8. Incredibles 2

The Incredibles hero family takes on a new mission, which involves a change in family roles: Bob Parr (Mr Incredible) must manage the house while his wife Helen (Elastigirl) goes out to save the world.

I’m not ashamed to say I very much enjoyed this. It wasn’t a patch on the first but it was still very enjoyable. Edna Mode is my patronas!

My score: 7/10

Destiny arrives

7. Avengers: Infinity War

The Avengers and their allies must be willing to sacrifice all in an attempt to defeat the powerful Thanos before his blitz of devastation and ruin puts an end to the universe.

This could have been higher but it was let down a lot by the amount of CGI. And before anyone moans do this: Watch the film again and pick out each scene with CGI and ask yourself “Could that be done without CGI?” The answer for most of them is a yes. The second problem with this film was, as with any Marvel films, too much Iron Man. Where Wolverine is the be all and end all of the X-Men (or so it appeared), Iron Man seems to be the main character in any Avengers movie. And I hate Iron Man.

My score: 7/10

Embrace your inner anti-hero.

6. Venom

When Eddie Brock acquires the powers of a symbiote, he will have to release his alter-ego “Venom” to save his life.

I remember seeing this get slated when the trailers came out and do you know what, they were half right. It wasn’t a great film but I still enjoyed it. I was a tad pissed off with how Eddie Brock (Tom “my future husband” Hardy) can go from being this brave investigative journalist to an ass-whipped shy character. When losing his job he became a completely different person and I just didn’t buy it. Thankfully he was still just as hot.

My score: 7/10

Real heroes. Not actual size.

5. Ant-Man and The Wasp

As Scott Lang balances being both a Super Hero and a father, Hope van Dyne and Dr. Hank Pym present an urgent new mission that finds the Ant-Man fighting alongside The Wasp to uncover secrets from their past.

The first time I remember seeing Evangeline Lilly was in Lost and she wasn’t exactly great. She hasn’t improved much but maybe just enough to make this pairing with Paul Rudd enjoyable. It was a good sequel and a nice tie in with the Marvel Universe. I enjoyed some of the effects and the build-up of the story line. I look forward to seeing them in the Avengers instalment.

My score: 7/10

Some missions are not a choice

4. Mission Impossible –Fallout

Ethan Hunt and his IMF team, along with some familiar allies, race against time after a mission gone wrong.

Cruise is of an age where I struggle to see him as the action hero yet in this he was all that and more. The fact that he does all his own stunts still amazes me. He gets slated and belittled by so many yet there is he is making blockbuster movies constantly. I loved all the connections with the other movies and utterly enjoyed this movie. Apparently Tom said if this film did well he’d do more. I’m looking forward to those.

My score: 8/10

You think you know him? Well … think again!

3. Peter Rabbit

Feature adaptation of Beatrix Potter’s classic tale of a rebellious rabbit trying to sneak into a farmer’s vegetable garden.

Firstly let’s ignore the fact that I can’t stand James Corden. He’s awful. He’s not a good actor, presenter or writer. Thankfully he’s not the reason I like this film. It’s Rose Byrne, Domhnall Gleeson, the writing and the animation. Domhnall Gleeson is an amazing actor and really takes on each part he plays to its fullest. The story was really well done and the animation was out of this world.

My score: 8/10

Be the first to see the second coming.

2. Deadpool 2

Foul-mouthed mutant mercenary Wade Wilson (AKA. Deadpool), brings together a team of fellow mutant rogues to protect a young boy with supernatural abilities from the brutal, time-traveling cyborg, Cable.

A film that can do what the first and second Deadpool films did and still become a huge success is a testament to the brilliant writing and acting. Breaking the fourth wall so much but still making the film work is done so well. I sometimes struggle to switch off and become critical of continuity and any failures but I got totally engrossed in to this one, as with the first. I managed to switch off and enjoy the entertainment.

My score: 8/10

All Hail the King.

1. Black Panther

T’Challa, heir to the hidden but advanced kingdom of Wakanda, must step forward to lead his people into a new future and must confront a challenger from his country’s past.

As a stand-alone film or as part of the Marvel universe, this was by far my favourite movie of 2018. I remember walking in very reluctant to like it for some unknown reason – I probably heard Iron Man was in it – but I was taken aback by the graphics, the story, the acting. Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, Daniel Kaluuya, Winston Duke, Angela Bassett and Andy Serkis all play incredible roles. Freeman and Whitaker not so much but they’ve never been brilliant.

The choreography of and within the scenes was beautiful. We’re talking 2021 before there’s a sequel and it’s rumoured Michael B. Jordan will be back – I certainly hope so. I loved seeing the characters appear in Infinity Wars.

So this gets my number one for 2018.

My score: 9/10

Films I’m looking forward to in 2019 are:

– Captain Marvel
– Us
– Pet Sematary (I’m not usually a fan of reboots but I like Jason Clarke so I’m excited for this)
– Hellboy (Anything has to be better than Perlman!)
– Avengers: Endgame
– Dark Phoenix
– Toy Story 4
– Spider-Man: Far From Home
– Angel Has Fallen (Will be crap but escapmsim.)
– Kingsman: The Great Game (Taron. My furture ex-husband)
– Star Wars: Episode IX (Obviously!)

Films I’m not looking forward.

– Glass (When will people learn that M. Night Shyamalan is awful?)
– Jacob’s Ladder (This does not need a reboot!)
– The Hustle (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels does not need a reboot!)
– Child’s Play (yet another reboot!)
– The Lion King (More live action shit.)
– Aladdin (Fuck right off!)
– It: Chapter Two (Chapter one was bollocks. Chapter Two can’t be any better)
– Joker (no)
– Terminator 6 (this should have ended at 2)
– Charlie’s Angels (Yawwwwn)
– Jumanji 3 (Dwayne Johnson should not get acting work!)
– Super Intelligence (Melissa McCarthy. James Corden. Hell.)

Happy New Year!

My top ten best films of 2017

Lets be honest here twenty-seventeen hasn’t been a great year for movies. I’m quite sure many will disagree. Good for you. If I was to compile a top ten of the last ten years then it’s doubtful one would include any of these. Harsh? Maybe. Opinionated? Totally. But isn’t that the point. If a film isn’t in this list there are only two reasons. Either it wasn’t good enough – the most common reason, or I didn’t see it. I’m not going to review something I haven’t seen! Reviewers don’t do that surely?

Anyway, here’s my top ten of 2017. You may be shocked by what took the number one spot but read why before shooting me down. Not one movie gets a ten out of ten.

10. Kingsman: The Golden Circle (6/10)

This film is essentially rubbish. As sequels go it is inoffensive but as movies go it attacks every all the senses. So what has it done that it warrants a place on the top ten?

Well there are four reasons to watch this.

You get to see five oscar winners at their lowest point.
Taron Egerton isn’t bad to look at.
The humour is nicely done and gives a good giggle.
Elton John is hysterical. He makes this film. He makes it worth watching and HE is the reason it makes the top ten.

9. Wonder Woman (6/10)

The action is good, the CGI is meh, the story is okay-ish. What makes this film is Gal Gadot. Her performance as Diana Prince is brilliant. This movie was destined to face criticism from die hard Wonder Woman fans, just like every comic book based movie ever, but Gadot deserves recognition for owning Wonder Woman. She certainly knocked Lynda Carter off my number one spot.

8. Guardians of the Galaxy `Vol. 2.

Although this could easily be deemed as “how not to do a sequel” it actually works quite well. All the characters interact well and Chris Pratt seems to happily share the limelight with his fellow stars. The cinematography is amazing and just the first this colourful movie delivers a nice level of humour. The story is pish though.

7. Spider-Man: Homecoming (7/10)

This movie could have easily made it higher but one thing let it down. Iron Man. Stop putting Iron Man in every bloody Marvel film! Yes, he’s an integral part of the Avengers films but so are many of the other characters! Thankfully Tom Holland managed to ensure this was a success. A few fans moaned at the lack of an exploration of his other powers but in my mind it’s just that he hasn’t found them yet and gives them something for the sequel.

6. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (7/10)

For the sake of full disclosure I’m a massive Star Wars fan. This is, by far, the worst Star Wars film of the lot. It’s lucky to get a seven out of ten. Most of the cast do a great job. Most. Sadly the writing lets them down. This would have been better titled “Star Wars: Carry on Luke!” as the childish humour throughout ruined what could have been an amazing film with the chance to really show how Luke had become a great teacher like those Jedi before him. I felt very let down.

5. T2 Trainspotting (8/10)

It would be wrong to say Danny Boyle can do no wrong, especially when you look at the opening ceremony of the London Olympics or Vacuuming Completely Nude in Paradise but, when he does it right he really does it right. T2 Trainspotting is great. While the first one put it’s fingers deep into your brain and roots around making you feel uncomfortable, this sequel does the same to your soul. Everyone, regardless of their past experiences, can relate to the moving on through ones life and the reconnection with ones youth. The four main actors took on the roles as though they’d being playing them every day since the first one. This was them and Boyle at their best.

4. I Called Him Morgan (8/10)

This documentary into the death of Lee Morgan is a must see. There’s no acting as it’s all done using archive footage of Lee himself, his partner Helen and the other people in his life. You don’t need to be a fan of jazz to enjoy this film. Be warned, this is not a story of his life but a look at the events leading up to his death and it’s done very very well.

3. Get Out (8/10)

They say first impression last (I hold no truck with that statement) so introducing yourself a director with this film was a stroke of genius for Jordan Peele. Daniel Kaluuya, who suffered through Johnny English Reborn and Kick Ass 2 does an amazing job in the lead role and had great writing to help him along. The casual racism in the beginning made me feel uncomfortable, as it should, and the twists and turns throughout the film kept me guessing. I pride myself on being able to work out plots in films and television shows quite quickly, a skill my partner will test to, but this kept me guessing until the very last moment. You need to watch this.

2. Split (8/10)

Lets get one thing out the way right now – M. Night Shyamalan is an awful writer. You disagree? Good for you. I’m pleased for you. I also don’t care. His writing is akin to Dan Brown – childlike. His plot twists are predicable within minutes and the stories complete dribble. I read one review of this movie that said “The plot twist, trust me, this time your mind will be blown!” – No. NO. For a start the bloody movie poster gave you a massive clue!

So why this is at number two? Why does it get an eight out of ten? One name – James McAvoy. I’ve always rated him as a good actor and this shifts him from good to utterly amazing! He is taking on so many different characters in this film and he does it so so well. With the voice work alone you could easily believe each character is played by a different actor but with the added body language changes McAvoy does incredibly work. I wanted to hate this film. I wanted to hate it because of M. Night Shyamalan. But I can’t because of McAvoy.

1. War for the Planet of the Apes (8/10)

So you’re probably wonder how this movie, this third in the series, managed to get to number one. You see the plot isn’t great. It’s more of a disagreement than a war, a skirmish if you will. It’s very much B movie material.

One of the big criticisms this movie got was that the characters were difficult to relate to. Of course they were! You’re human so in a movie you psychologically put yourself in the role of a human. Most of the humans in this weren’t very nice because, as far they were concerned, they were at war. It told you that apes are better than humans. For want of a cliche apes were more humane! You couldn’t relate because you’re telling yourself that if this happened you wouldn’t become like the majority of humans shown. Of course you wouldn’t. Now, lets start a war (again) and see if that’s true! Pish! You’d do all you could to survive. I would. They would. You would! Get over it.

So again, why is this number one. Have you watched the film? Disagree with me? Go watch it again. Nearly ALL of the footage you see if CGI. Yes, you’re essentially watching a cartoon. A cartoon that has some of the best animation I’ve ever seen. This movie is a salute to the technical advances of it’s day and the genius of those technicians that created it. Ignore the lack of plot and watch it for the masterpiece it truly is.