Tag Archives: Star Wars

Unwatched!

This was the almost apocryphal post!

A little while ago Davy Quinlivan did a Facebook post about films he hadn’t seen. Reading the list if I’d been wearing pearls I’d have clutched them and would probably still be holding them now!

So this is the list and next to each one Davy I’ve given you a reason as to why I think you should watch them.

ET Melissa Mathison died too soon. She was a powerful writer and although this film doesn’t show her best (see Kundun for that) it’s still worth a watch in honour of her. Also, Drew Barrymore is amazing in it (“Is he a pig? He sure eats like one!”) and the music is fantastic.

Home Alone This is one of those where you rooting for the bad guys. Why they didn’t just pull out a pistol and pop a cap in his forehead is beyond me! Still it’s worthy of a viewing so you can keep cheering for Harry & Marv. Just don’t expect anything they call acting other than from John Heard and Catherine O’Hara. Also, it’s a John Hughes and we’ll talk more about that later on in the list young man!

Home Alone 2 Brenda Fricker. That is all.

*The Wizard of Oz Oh come on Davy! Watching Franz Morgan play so many differents role but staying exactly the same (basically Sandra Bullocks entire career) is worth the watch let alone seeing Judy! And Wicked makes more sense if you seen this. And Margaret Hamilton! At least try the 1925 version which is VERY different but also great.

Mrs Doubtfire This is worth watching for two reasons. The number of continuity errors and realising that Sally Field never ever does any kind of background checks on this mad woman who claims to be English but has a random Scottish accent that changes at random times.

Babe There is only reason to watch this movie. Magda Szubanski. She was in her early thirties when she played Esme Whatshername and does the job so incredibly well. It’s a far cry from Sharon Karen Strzelecki.

Titanic If you won’t watch the entire film then just watch one scene. The scene where the bow rises, falls, rises again and sinks. All that was filmed on a sound stage with the bow of the ship recreated and stunt performers flying everywhere. As much as I’m not a James Cameron fan (except for Terminator (1 only) and The Abyss) this scene is cinematic gold in directing, staging and performing. Fun fact: this film is two hours and forty minutes long – the exact length of time it took for the Titanic to sink.

Neverending Story You should watch this because it’s pretty and emotional. That really is the only reason to watch it but, when I say it’s pretty and emotional, it’s very pretty and very emotional and deserving of a viewing because of that.

*Jurassic Park Laura Dern. Nothing more, nothing less.

Annie Albert Finney and Carol Burnett make this movie an utter pleasure to watch. The girl the plays Annie, well, not so much.  Thankfully she hasn’t been in much else.

Poster with an illustration of actress Julie Andrews dancing in the mountains*The Sound of Music I don’t know where to begin with this one! It is one of my all time favourite films and there are so many good reasons to watch it. Even if you take out all the music the story is still so emotional and so beautiful. The very fact it’s based on a true story also makes it powerful. I adore Christopher Plummer and he’s so good in this. The scenery is stunning and you can go to Vienna and see it! The music is perfect and I don’t just mean the singing, the incidental music as well. The drama, the romance, the comedy all worthy of watching. I can’t believe I’m going to say this given how many amazing films are on this list but if you only watch one movie from this lot make it this one.

Charlie & the Chocolate Factory I’m not sure if you mean the 1971 version which is “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” or the 2005 “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” If we assume it’s the latter then I agree with you. Avoid it like the COVID, it has no redeeming features. Tim Burton is not the god people seem to think he is. Now, it we’re talking about the 1971 version there is only one reason to watch it. The problem is I can’t tell what that is as you’ll just watch the one scene. You need to watch the entire thing as a thank you to the actors and producers for the one scene worth watching.

Star Wars (All of them!) Space sci-fi is such a subjective genre. You either like it or you don’t. Nothin I can say can convince you otherwise. Personally, regardless of your feelings for SciFi, I think you should watch these. The story is great. Should you decide to watch them then there’s two things you need to know. 1. You’re not alone, no one likes JarJar and we’re sorry. 2. This is the order to watch them in: *New Hope, Rogue One, Empire Strikes Back, Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, Solo, Return of the Jedi, The Mandalorian (the entire series), Force Awakens, Last Jedi, Rise of Skywalker.

Star Trek (All of them) See above but without the order.

*Back to the Future (All of them!) I have so many happy memories associated this film. My cousin took me to see the film. It was the first time I’d been to a cinema without an adult. I felt like such a grown up. I also had the hots for Michael J. Fox. The film is beautiful and all three deserve a watch just so you can complete the story. I apologise now for Mary Steenburgen but you can’t have everything. Also, the second one is a bit “Oh my god, please make it stop!” but stick with it.  Please.

Indiana Jones (All of them) Raiders of the Lost Ark is a cinematic storytelling masterpiece. But, like with SciFi, it’s not for everyone. The first one is worth watching for it’s cinematography alone, let alone the action. Ignore some of the effects though – you have to remember this was made in 1981 and CGI wasn’t what is is not. Skip Temple of Doom, it’s a bit meh,  but do take in the Last Crusade, it’s fun. The franchise ends there Davy. It ends there!  There are no Indiana Jones films after the Last Crusade. No matter what you read in silly magazines or online there is nothing – NOTHING – after the Last Crusade!

Dirty Dancing To be honest I’m not a massive fan of this film but there are two reason to watch it. Firstly seeing Lisa rehearse for the talent show, secondly seeing Patrick Swayze dance up the aisle looking like Roland Rat.

*Flashdance I literally sighed when I saw this on your list. This film wipes out Step Up and all those films like that. It is so so well made. Yes the story is pish. Like utter pish but the music, the dancing, the everything! (but not the story). Sit down one night, maybe with an amontillado and a small box of Milk Tray and give it a watch. And let me know when you do and I’ll watch along. This film is so good!

Ghost Okay, I’ve seen this but I’m gonna tell you not to bother. I genuinely like Demi Moore but in this she’s just a bit meh. Whoopi Goldberg is funny but if you see Whoopi in anything other than Corinna Corinna or the Color Purple then you’ve already seen her performance. Patrick Swayze just doesn’t do it for me and never has. So, you get a pass for this one.

Sixteen Candles.jpgPretty in Pink My cousin will tell you “this is the film that defined my childhood!” but my cousin is stupid. Like proper stupid, no common sense what-so-ever and her parents are the same. Her mother is the most annoying woman you could ever meet.  Have you see (and I’m frightened to ask) the Birdcage with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane? You know the end where Gene Hackman leaves the club – he’s the spitting image of my Aunt, my cousins mother. Seriously, it’s like putting make-up on a bulldog. She has all the allure and personality of wax-clogged hearing aid from 1961. Anyway, I’ve digressed a little. Davy, you need to see this movie. Just for the feel good factor. John Hughes tried, and with some success, to define the 80’s and even though most of his films have the same feel good undertone and the same tired adolescent cast, they’re actually well worth a watch. It’s not one of those you’d go out your way to see but if RTE have it on one Wednesday night when you’re not going out and there’s nothing else on, it’s worth sitting down and seeing.  I’ve a lot of love and respect for John Hughes (yes, even with what I know I’m going to write about the next film). He died way too soon and had a lot more to give the industry.  His legacy has left with many characters we love and some we love to hate and as much I don’t think this film would be in my own personal top ten of John Hughes films, it is till worthy of watch because it’s his.

Sixteen Candles See above – and yes my cousin will say the same about this film. There is one big issue with this film. It essentially, in one scene, condones date rape. This is a teen comedy written at a time when – yes it was wrong – but society dealt with stuff differently because to be a voice of a concern you had to have a big profile. Now you just need a social media account. You might see a similar scene in a film these days but either the hero would call them out on it or it wouldn’t be a comedy. I’m not going to say don’t watch this because of that because I genuinely do think it’s worth watching, you just have to do it and accept it’s from a different time. Thankfully, in tv and movies, we rarely see the kind of bullshit people would broadcast years ago. “Rising Damp” and “It Ain’t Half Hot Mom” were so insanely racist but people were stupid back then and accepted it and those that didn’t couldn’t find a platform big enough to be heard.  Anyway, that’s a TEDtalk for later.  Watch this for the soundtrack if nothing else!

So here endeth the lesson. Davy, I think you need to make an effort to watch some of these and those are the ones with * next to them. Let me know when you do, I’d genuinely be interested in your opinion.

Thoughts and questions for the next Star Wars

Millennium Falcon
How this ship is still flying is beyond me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the Falcon and in a few years I plan to own one and do the Kessel run in 11 parsecs, but right now I’m amazed this particular YT-1300F Corellian Light Freighter is still flying.  It seems in nearly every film there is a problem with it in one way or another and the current owner is always looking for parts.  Rey, in the Force Awakens refers to it as a piece of junk and to some extent, although I hate her for it, she’s right.  We first see it in Revenge of the Sith, so this is before Luke and Leia are born.  According to Star Wars lore Luke was nineteen years old when he first boarded the Falcon in A New Hope and was twenty-five in Jedi.  Given that we see the Falcon in SW: RotS and it’s not new then and that SW: TLJ is set 30 years after Jedi that means the Falcon is, at the very least, over 55 years old.  No wonder it’s falling apart!  I love this ship but being realistic, to end everything to do with the current franchise (remember, everything is going – Luke and Han have gone, Leia will be gone by SW: IX) we will more than likely see it’s demise in SW: XI.  I’ll be sad.  I’ll probably cry again, as I did when we “lost” Luke, but so be it.  Sadly I predict we’ll lose Lando and Chewy at the same time.  One thing is certain, the Falcon is still the fastest ship in the fleet.  Why?  Because it’s the only bloody ship left in the fleet!

Talking of Lando…
Nothing has been mentioned about him and remember once the rebels got to that mighty fortress (yeah right!) they sent out a signal looking for back up and no one answered. It’ll be revealed that no one answered because they thought it was a trap – like it always is – but finally someone will pass the message to Lando who’ll say something crass along the lines of “It’s Leia’s secret super special code! We must go to her!”  He’ll be too late, obviously, and there will be a scene where he’s mourning the loss of all three of my childhood heroes.

Talking of the loss of childhood heroes…
Leia won’t be in Star Wars IX.  Rumours are that Star Wars IX will be set anything from ten to fifteen years on from TLJ. During this time Leia could have easily popped her clogs for any number of reasons that can be written in using any story arc. Old age, First Order sniper, getting pissed and falling into the Sarlec pit, anything. The best way to see her off is respectfully and quietly, maybe in the opening scrawl? One thing we can be sure of, because Disney have promised, is that she will in no way be in Star Wars IX. And studios never break their promises do they?

Talking of who else won’t be in SW: IX…
The Death of Snoke.  Remember Luke giving Leia the dice from the Falcon? Remember him touching her? Like physically and all that?  He even held her head and kissed her!  Then remember he revealed during the fight with Kylo that he wasn’t actually there and was using the force to project himself there?  Remember Rey and Kylo touching hands?  She actually tells Luke about sensing the future when she touched fingers with Kylo! So was Snoke really sitting on his throne when Kylo killed him? He sat there spouting about how he can’t be double crossed yet blatantly was. Or was he?  I don’t think he was there.  I think he knew what Kylo Ren would do all along so he was force projecting himself in to that chair.  “So why was his body still there when General Hux was strutting his stuff demanding to know what happened?” I hear you shout.  So he could hear what Kylo Ren said.  And Kylo gave Snoke the perfect opportunity to push him  deeper into the dark side when Kylo asked Rey to join him and rule the galaxy together.  Personally I think we’ll see his return in Star Wars IX.

Talking of Rey…
Her parents.  So are they really paupers buried in the desert? Personally I don’t think so. I think Kylo Ren was just lying to piss her off. I’m not convinced that Luke is her father, which was a belief I had from the Force Awakens, but is her parentage important? I don’t think it is. It would be nice to think they are a key part of the story to hopefully make Rey seem like a more powerful Jedi than she already is but to be honest I’m past caring about this fact. One thing to note was a comment made by Shmi Skywalker about Anakin: “There was no father. I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him. I can’t explain what happened.” If this can be the case for Anakin “Jesus” Skywalker than it can also be the case for Rey. Maybe mother is a pauper buried out in the Jakku desert but daddy is a no show.  Or daddy is someone akin to Galen Erso in Rogue One.  He works for the First Order but not because he wants to but has to.  Or may he’s a waiter in whoever inherited the Hutt’s cantina when Jabba choked in Jedi.

Talking of inheriting…
Admiral Poe?  With Holdo shooting herself into a Star Destroyer and Leia obviously not coming back there’s room up top for a new leader. Rey won’t want it because she’ll be too busy becoming a Jedi, rebuilding the Jedi Order (she does have the books after all) and trying to keep the Falcon in the air, so it’s left to Poe to stand up and do something. Does this mean his X-Wing pilot days are over? Does it bollocks! It didn’t stop President Whitmore in Independence Day and it won’t stop Poe!  I do think we’re going to see massive character development from him in SW: IX though.  We know very little of Poe and other than a bromance with Finn and a technomance with BB-8 he’s had no specific love interest.  With Finn swiping right on the intergalactic Tinders of Rose and Rey he can, because we say so, only choose one, so will Poe get the other?  No, I don’t think so.  Poe will either find his own beau.  Maz Kanata maybe, or Lieutenant Connix?  Or maybe he’ll be the gay character hinted at from time to time.  I’m not including C3PO in that.  Either way I think Poe will become a force (did you see what I did there) to be reckoned with and turn into a major player in the franchise.

Talking of turning…
Turning Finn.  I’m not gonna lie, I can’t abide the character of Finn. I find him useless. I like the idea of Stormtrooper rebelling I just wish they’ve given him more to do and made him more of a key character. Everything he’s done, other than rescue Rose (lets not talk about that!) could have been done without him there. Poe is a genius (yet to be revealed – if ever) and could have got away from the First Order the first time without Finn. Maybe then he wouldn’t have crashed and would have made it to Jakku without a problem. The crap about shutting down the tracker could have been done without him. And now he’s in what appears to be a love triangle with Rose and Rey. Give him something interesting! Make him great! It’d be nice if they tapped into his mind and found a way to turn other Stormtroopers? Maybe in an “Execute order 66” way? Given that he knew what he was doing on Jakku was wrong in SW: TFA could it be possible that Finn has tapped into the much discussed force?

Talking of the force…
Prophecy laid out?  So way back when, in times when Luke and Leia were still just swilling around in the genitals of Anakin and Padme, Qui-Gon Jinn has a meeting with the Jedi Council. He tells them he thinks Anakin is the Neo of the Star Wars universe. Mace Windu actually says “You refer to the prophecy of The One who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it’s this boy?” So Anakin is trained and still there’s no balance because he turns in Darth Nutjob. Before that Padme give birth the twins Luke and Leia and the world suddenly thinks Luke is the Neo yet still the dark side is really fucking tough and there’s still no balance. Now we have Rey so is she the Neo that’ll bring balance? Or maybe it’s the little broom boy on Canto Bight? No, it won’t be him, we’ll not see him again. But, for there to be a balance there has to be a 50/50 split so we need to Sith shit to be bouncing around the galaxy to keep the actual balance there. But do we?  The Jedi know enough about the force and are respectful enough of it to accept that for their to be balance there must be light and dark.  Neither needs to have control just so long as equity.  In SW: TLJ when Luke is teaching Rey about the force he asks her what’s she see’s and she describes it.  She talks about life and death, warmth and cold, peace and anger.  Luke asks what’s in between and she states “a force.”  There’s your bloomin’ balance!  There’s your ending!

Talking of ending...
Maybe it’ll end with Rey and Ren sitting down for a nice cuppa while drawing out lines on a map and decide who rules what. Or maybe they’ll get married? Which would be weird if Luke does turn out to be her daddy but this is a galaxy far far away and who knows what laws they have regarding cousins and wedlock.  Luke said, when he was chatting with Rey over dinner and bottle of blue Beaujolais, that Ren took other jedi wannabes from the temple after he’d destroyed.  Well where are they?  Is this setting up for a spin off?  I feel like the Littlest Hobo theme is gonna be playing as we see a youngling carrying a knapsack on a lightsaber over his shoulder.

No one but the writers can know where this is going, we can but speculate using the information we have at hand.  One thing is for sure though, I’ll moan about the bad bits, rave over the good bits but Star Wars will still remain my number one favourite movie franchise of all time.  Closely followed by Back to the Future, Alien (we don’t talk about Alien Vs Predator or the Promtheshit) and Indian Jones.

Until next time…

My top ten best films of 2017

Lets be honest here twenty-seventeen hasn’t been a great year for movies. I’m quite sure many will disagree. Good for you. If I was to compile a top ten of the last ten years then it’s doubtful one would include any of these. Harsh? Maybe. Opinionated? Totally. But isn’t that the point. If a film isn’t in this list there are only two reasons. Either it wasn’t good enough – the most common reason, or I didn’t see it. I’m not going to review something I haven’t seen! Reviewers don’t do that surely?

Anyway, here’s my top ten of 2017. You may be shocked by what took the number one spot but read why before shooting me down. Not one movie gets a ten out of ten.

10. Kingsman: The Golden Circle (6/10)

 This film is essentially rubbish. As sequels go it is inoffensive but as movies go it attacks every all the senses. So what has it done that it warrants a place on the top ten?

Well there are four reasons to watch this.

  1. You get to see five oscar winners at their lowest point.
  2. Taron Egerton isn’t bad to look at.
  3. The humour is nicely done and gives a good giggle.
  4. Elton John is hysterical. He makes this film. He makes it worth watching and HE is the reason it makes the top ten.

9. Wonder Woman (6/10)

The action is good, the CGI is meh, the story is okay-ish. What makes this film is Gal Gadot. Her performance as Diana Prince is brilliant. This movie was destined to face criticism from die hard Wonder Woman fans, just like every comic book based movie ever, but Gadot deserves recognition for owning Wonder Woman. She certainly knocked Lynda Carter off my number one spot.

8. Guardians of the Galaxy `Vol. 2.

Although this could easily be deemed as “how not to do a sequel” it actually works quite well. All the characters interact well and Chris Pratt seems to happily share the limelight with his fellow stars. The cinematography is amazing and just the first this colourful movie delivers a nice level of humour. The story is pish though.

7. Spider-Man: Homecoming (7/10)

This movie could have easily made it higher but one thing let it down. Iron Man. Stop putting Iron Man in every bloody Marvel film! Yes, he’s an integral part of the Avengers films but so are many of the other characters! Thankfully Tom Holland managed to ensure this was a success. A few fans moaned at the lack of an exploration of his other powers but in my mind it’s just that he hasn’t found them yet and gives them something for the sequel.

6. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (7/10)

For the sake of full disclosure I’m a massive Star Wars fan. This is, by far, the worst Star Wars film of the lot. It’s lucky to get a seven out of ten. Most of the cast do a great job. Most. Sadly the writing lets them down. This would have been better titled “Star Wars: Carry on Luke!” as the childish humour throughout ruined what could have been an amazing film with the chance to really show how Luke had become a great teacher like those Jedi before him. I felt very let down.

5. T2 Trainspotting (8/10)

It would be wrong to say Danny Boyle can do no wrong, especially when you look at the opening ceremony of the London Olympics or Vacuuming Completely Nude in Paradise but, when he does it right he really does it right. T2 Trainspotting is great. While the first one put it’s fingers deep into your brain and roots around making you feel uncomfortable, this sequel does the same to your soul. Everyone, regardless of their past experiences, can relate to the moving on through ones life and the reconnection with ones youth. The four main actors took on the roles as though they’d being playing them every day since the first one. This was them and Boyle at their best.

4. I Called Him Morgan (8/10)

This documentary into the death of Lee Morgan is a must see. There’s no acting as it’s all done using archive footage of Lee himself, his partner Helen and the other people in his life. You don’t need to be a fan of jazz to enjoy this film. Be warned, this is not a story of his life but a look at the events leading up to his death and it’s done very very well.

3. Get Out (8/10)

They say first impression last (I hold no truck with that statement) so introducing yourself a director with this film was a stroke of genius for Jordan Peele. Daniel Kaluuya, who suffered through Johnny English Reborn and Kick Ass 2 does an amazing job in the lead role and had great writing to help him along. The casual racism in the beginning made me feel uncomfortable, as it should, and the twists and turns throughout the film kept me guessing. I pride myself on being able to work out plots in films and television shows quite quickly, a skill my partner will test to, but this kept me guessing until the very last moment. You need to watch this.

2. Split (8/10)

Lets get one thing out the way right now – M. Night Shyamalan is an awful writer. You disagree? Good for you. I’m pleased for you. I also don’t care. His writing is akin to Dan Brown – childlike. His plot twists are predicable within minutes and the stories complete dribble. I read one review of this movie that said “The plot twist, trust me, this time your mind will be blown!” – No. NO. For a start the bloody movie poster gave you a massive clue!

So why this is at number two? Why does it get an eight out of ten? One name – James McAvoy. I’ve always rated him as a good actor and this shifts him from good to utterly amazing! He is taking on so many different characters in this film and he does it so so well. With the voice work alone you could easily believe each character is played by a different actor but with the added body language changes McAvoy does incredibly work. I wanted to hate this film. I wanted to hate it because of M. Night Shyamalan. But I can’t because of McAvoy.

1. War for the Planet of the Apes (8/10)

So you’re probably wonder how this movie, this third in the series, managed to get to number one. You see the plot isn’t great. It’s more of a disagreement than a war, a skirmish if you will. It’s very much B movie material.

One of the big criticisms this movie got was that the characters were difficult to relate to. Of course they were! You’re human so in a movie you psychologically put yourself in the role of a human. Most of the humans in this weren’t very nice because, as far they were concerned, they were at war. It told you that apes are better than humans. For want of a cliche apes were more humane! You couldn’t relate because you’re telling yourself that if this happened you wouldn’t become like the majority of humans shown. Of course you wouldn’t. Now, lets start a war (again) and see if that’s true! Pish! You’d do all you could to survive. I would. They would. You would! Get over it.

So again, why is this number one. Have you watched the film? Disagree with me? Go watch it again. Nearly ALL of the footage you see if CGI. Yes, you’re essentially watching a cartoon. A cartoon that has some of the best animation I’ve ever seen. This movie is a salute to the technical advances of it’s day and the genius of those technicians that created it. Ignore the lack of plot and watch it for the masterpiece it truly is.