An offer

I have been made an offer.

It’s an offer that I’ve wanted for about twenty years.

I’ve been waiting for it and hoping it would come.

So it finally came.

Unannounced and unexpected, I got an email with the offer in it. I never expected it to come in an email. I always thought someone would call or turn up at my house but they didn’t. Disappointing really but so be it.

I hope you’re not reading this expecting to know what the offer is. I’ve learnt the hard way not to discuss some things too much, only to reveal the pieces I know I can defend or cope with having ridiculed. So, no, I won’t be talking about the offer, but just how it makes me feel.

There was a time I wanted nothing more than to get this offer. I did my research, I did my hours, I took my lessons and I gave others. I sat and I listened.

Through-out all that it was made obvious to me that the offer would be made. So in my head I accepted that as much as I was working towards it and as much as I was trying to make it happen it would happen eventually. I was sure it would come sooner.

It came yesterday.

This was everything I wanted twenty years ago.

What I want now is different.

Twenty years ago the idea of one day being given this offer was amazing. All I could think of was how special I’d feel. It worked. When I read it, I felt special.

The thing is, I live with a man who makes me feel special every day. I don’t need any offers to make me feel special.

Twenty years ago I would have given my soul to have this offer made to me.

Twenty years ago I was stupid.

The offer is one I should never have wanted and one I gladly refuse.